By Gigi
On December 25th, 2020 I was taking my morning walk praying and talking to God. I noticed that my demeanor is different when I feel loved, protected, and well cared for, in comparison to how I behave when I'm not (specifically by my husband, but not necessarily limited to him). I realized that if I had given up in my marriage many years ago —which many times I thought I should— I would've missed out on the beauty that God had available for us, and that it was Giorgio, my husband, who in his brokenness, had the ability to keep trying and keep fighting for our love.
As I kept walking I had to record this poem on my phone, as it was flowing out of my heart, birthing out of The Holy Spirit's womb. I realized men have the power to initiate and women to respond, and out of that beautiful dance, if done in a healthy way, with God at the center, we are born again.
To my husband, I say sorry for the many times I held him to a standard of loving that was impossible to follow and that only God could provide. I thank him for always trying nonetheless, because that's exactly what saved us. As he gets closer to God, he loves himself well, and then loves me well, too. And in response, I am free to give to him the best version of me.
WHEN YOU LOVE ME WELL
When you love me well
You love me well,
I live in Heaven.
No longer in hell.
When you love me well
The earth suddenly stops,
There’s no movement,
Only breath, only love.
When you love me well
Suddenly I can fly!
I don’t remember pain,
I no longer want to die!
When you love me well
I love ME well,
I learn from you,
I’m sure you can tell.
But when you don’t, you see,
I forget about me.
I become scared, angry
And in many ways I reflect thee.
When you love me well
I can easily forgive
But when you don’t
Like an orphan I once again live.
When you love me well
I breathe without a worry,
And I can dance, and I can sing,
and I can live without hurry!
But when you don’t,
I start escaping
The pain and the loneliness
that keeps on chasing,
forever condemning.
So I try to find your missing love,
In other places
But nothing satisfies,
Nothing replaces...
When you love me well
I feel alive
I’m able to love you
I’m able to thrive.
When you love me well
I feel like making promises
That nobody can keep
But oh my love!
If only I could go so deep!
I’d go to Hell and
Forgive the pain that lives down’ there.
And come back up
And in Heaven find you there.
So in the meantime,
As I wait for you
I’ll turn to God
To get me through.
I thank you for loving me
The best you can
Sometimes it’s well
Other times, well, it’s almost there.
The point is that you are always trying.
And even though, my heart just feels like crying
With every loving glance you make
My false self keeps slowly dying.
I understand, it's not your place
to heal my wounds and ease my pain
But when I receive your love and grace
I can feel God's love, un-doing my shame.
And out of the tomb of hopelessness
My true self emerges
And it’s precisely there, in the company of love
That I find myself,
When you love me well.
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